The Different Side of Me
by tyler.brunsman.mega.fan
Summary: Serena has a different side to her. One that not many have seen and she normally keeps hidden. But will she be able to hide it after the ghost from one drunken mistake comes back to haunt her? And will she ever be able to tell Edward or will she hide it from him? But secrets can't be hidden forever especially when she comes face to face with him at Holby five years later...


Back to Haunt Me

It had been exactly one month and six days since she had let it happen, not that she was counting. One month and six days since she had made that stupid mistake. He had come back for one day to see his daughter before he left for Chicago. Sure he did come back to see Eleanor on the odd occasion and he nearly always phoned her once a week but this time was different. This time he was leaving to work eighteen months overseas and would not see their daughter until he returned. Being twelve now Eleanor had grown use to her Fathers disappearing acts, not calling for weeks or making an appearance in months. Ever since her parents had divorced two years ago when she was ten, Eleanor had grown apart from her Father. Once a Daddy's girl now she rarely spoke to him never mind see him. But when he did come she magically forgot all that, he spoilt her rotten and treated her like a Princess.

But Serena never forgot, how could she? She was the one who had consoled their daughter when he let her down for the third time in a row and hadn't shown up. She was the one he had hurt in their marriage and she could never forget that. He had been sleeping around for month's maybe even years, she wasn't certain on the exact amount of time he had been doing it. All she knew was that he had done it. In fact he appeared to have done it with every pretty girl who caught his eye in the street and with every nurse he found just too good to resist in the hospital they both worked in. He had made her look like a fool and no one made Serena Campbell look like a fool. So matter how much she may have still loved him and no matter how much she desperately wanted to forgive him. She couldn't, she simply couldn't. So instead of accepting every single one of his fifty seven apologies she hired the best lawyer she could find and screwed him over as best as she could. She got full custody over their daughter but she couldn't find it within herself to keep them apart so allowed him to see her as much as he liked as long as he gave her a weeks notice. He never did. That wasn't his style he liked turning up out of the blue and surprising them. She also got the house but she sold that, it contained too many memories. He left for a new life in Leeds, which suited her perfectly she couldn't stand running into him in the hospital every day. She had built up a new life in her new house with her daughter; she even switched hospitals to one where no one knew about what he had done to her. She was even tempted to say she was happy again but then she let that one stupid night happen.

It was late July when he knocked on her door; he was all smiles like normal acting like nothing had happened. He even dared to kiss her on the cheek but she soon put an end to that walking away from him to shout Eleanor to come down the stairs. His visit was unexpected just like the majority of his visits. Eleanor came running down the stairs and jumped right into her Fathers arms, the look on her face was one of delight it was on the days he showed up that she returned to being daddy's girl. It tore Serena's heart apart to see her like this with him, even if she grown apart from him she was and would always be a daddy's girl. Preferring to spend time with him rather than her. She had tried she really had tried to be the same as Edward was. But it was hard she just wasn't like that. She was no good at impromptu trips to the cinema to watch the latest teen craze and she preferred restaurants to a burger and chips and McDonalds. But children just aren't interested into sitting down for a three course meal and she couldn't stand McDonalds no matter how hard she tried. So instead she had to settle for the boring Mother who her daughter seamed to put up with for the pure reason being because she was her Mother. Sure they loved each other they just didn't understand each other.

Edward had already decided he was taking Eleanor out for the day and who was she to say no? All it would do was nudge her already difficult relationship with her Daughter a little bit further apart. So she just watched them leave and tried to figure out a productive way to spend her day off. Every time she had time off she promised herself that she would not work but like always that's exactly what she found herself doing. She started off saying to herself she would just finish off the reports for the hospital in the morning but then she just found a little more to do and then another small detail to sort out. Before she knew it there was a knock on the door and she heard it swing open as her ex-husband and daughter walked in. She glanced at her watch it was five' o'clock half an hour later than when he told her he would bring Eleanor back. No surprise there. She shut down the computer and made her way downstairs trying to pretend she had a social life not just a work one.

"Sorry were a bit late back" So he had remembered the time he promised to have her back "But the film went on longer than expected and I had promised her a ice cream in the park" He always had an excuse for everything.

"Yes well at least you remembered to bring her back" her tone was sarcastic and showed just exactly how unimpressed she was by his excuse. She turned to her daughter "Sorry I lost track of time, so your choice of takeaway" She smiled down at the twelve year old trying to sound just as fun and exciting as Edward always did. She failed miserably at this earning her a very confused look from her daughter.

"Pizza please" Serena knew she really needn't have asked pizza was the same answer she always received from her daughter when asked what takeaway she wanted. "Can Daddy stay for dinner please" her daughter pleaded with her and Serena knew this would be a hard one to talk her way out of.

"I'm not so sure about that. Your Father probably has other plans" She chose her words carefully knowing if she tripped up and was seen to say an absolute no her daughter would not speak to her for days.

"No I don't and I love pizza, don't you remember Ree?" She hated him. She hated him now more than ever. He could easily have come up with a reason why he couldn't stay for dinner but that would have been to boring for him. Instead he would rather stay and stir things up.

Serena closed her eyes, took a deep breath and admitted defeat "Fine he can stay"

Thankfully Serena found the dinner really quite uneventful except for one small argument over who should pay for the pizza. In fact the only person who really seamed to be talking at dinner was Eleanor who was giving Serena a blow by blow account on the film she had seen earlier. It appeared to be the average teen movie out today, boy meets girl, they fall in love, some big event keeps them apart and then they reunite in the end. Honestly she had thought she'd brought her daughter up with much better expectations about love. Clearly she had failed. After they had eaten Serena prepared to say goodbye to Edward but her daughter beat her too it "Mum, can Daddy please stay for a little bit longer"

Serena sighed not again. "Well I'm sure your Father is very tired and probably just wants to go to bed" she said it with the hope that he might actually get the hint and play along.

Of course he didn't. She knew he wouldn't, she wasn't even sure why she bothered there was no point. "I would love to stay for a bit longer" as he said it he smirked at Serena he loved winding her up and she was terrible at hiding her frustration at him.

"Fine" she said it through gritted teeth "But I'm opening the Shiraz".

Serena basically drank her first glass in one go while in the kitchen before pouring another two glasses and carrying them into the living room. She let out yet another sigh as she walked in. Her daughter had opted for the armchair which left her having to join Edward on the settee. She had no other option but to sit next to him, so that's what she did and she handed him the second glass of wine as she did so. One part of her was tempted not to give it him and save it for herself but she did anyway. It soon became clear that Eleanor had the remote and she changed the channel every ten minutes. Any normal night she would have taken it off her which would result in her daughter storming upstairs to her room. But this wasn't a normal night because on a normal night she wouldn't be sat on her sofa drinking Shiraz with her ex-husband. So as an attempt to play the 'cool' Mother she didn't say anything she just sat though it.

It was half nine and Serena announced to her daughter that it was time she was going to bed so she should say goodbye to her Father. This was when the next request came "Can't he stay the night in the spare room? It's nicer than some hotel" She knew there was no point in trying to talk out of it so she did the only thing she could think of and act completely ok with the whole thing "Of course he can, as long as your Father is ok with it that is." Of course he was ok she thought to herself there was no doubt in her mind that he wouldn't be, so within minutes he was nipping outside to his car to get his bag. Serena said goodnight to Eleanor and upon her request her Father went up to her room to say goodnight. Serena got out another bottle of wine and settled back down on the sofa with another glass of wine. She heard a cough from the doorway and turned to look at her ex-husband leaning casually in it. His hair had lost most of its colour and was now grey it had also thinned a bit. But she hated to admit but he still looked handsome like he always had. "Mind if I join you?" He said it in his normal casual tone "It's a bit to early for me to go to bed yet"

"You don't normally ask" Serena replied and he came and sat down next to her again. This next hour is going to be extremely uncomfortable Serena thought to herself.

One hour and three quarters later they had drank two more bottles and the awkwardness from before had quietly slipped away. "We were a good team you and me. A pretty amazing one to be honest and then Eleanor came along and we were like a super family, you know what I mean a super family?" She laughed at him and nodded "You know I think it would have been great if we'd had another kid and then she'd have had some one to grow up with to play with. But what will be will be y'know?" Even though the alcohol was messing with her head she did know but she could never have coped with two children especially when she doesn't understand the one she has. "It's a shame were not that team anymore though; no one at the hospital dared challenge us. Didn't want to mess with the Campbell's they were ruthless took the entire hospital by storm were brilliant. Absolutely bloody brilliant." He raised his glass "Hey heres to them eleven bloody brilliant years we spent together" They banged their glasses together in a toast to their long lost marriage. As the two glasses came apart Edward leaned in and kissed Serena. It wasn't a kiss on the cheek like before a meaningless thing to wind her up. This was a passionate kiss, a kiss that contained all the love that they once shared. Serena was on sure whether or not it was the alcohol or that deep down she did still love him but she didn't pull away. She just couldn't bring herself too.

She woke up in her bed with a massive headache the only reminder to her of what she actually did the night before. She looked at the clock on her bedside table it said it was ten' o'clock in the morning, when had she last stayed in bed to ten? She would have assumed this would be just like any other morning after she had been drinking heavily the night before. But the arm around her waist suggested differently. She glanced over her shoulder and saw what she feared her ex-husband lay under the sheets his arm around her protectively like it used to be when they were married. She slipped out and showered before changing, when she exited the room he was nowhere to be seen. But she forgot about that and walked down the stairs to get a coffee, she needed a coffee. She entered the kitchen to see her daughter eating toast but no sign of Edward. Flicking the kettle on she stuck some bread in the toaster, she didn't feel hungry but she needed something to soak up the alcohol from last night.

She heard the steps creak and he appeared in the kitchen fully dressed and with his bag over one shoulder. Eleanor jumped up and hugged him noticing the bag she asked "Can't you stay one more day please Daddy?" Serena who had been trying to come up for a good reason as to why he couldn't stay was surprised when he replied "Actually no" Both hers and Eleanor's faces dropped, he was actually leaving after spending the last twenty four hours making himself at home. "I have a flight to catch and actually I need to tell you something Ellie" He crouched to be at around the same height as her "I have to go away for a while; you see I've been offered a job in America, Chicago to be precise. So I'm not going to see you for eighteen months. But I'll call every week…" He didn't get chance to finish as his daughter ran upstairs tears streaming down her eyes. Serena couldn't manage to speak so instead just shook her head at him in pure amazement. How could he act like nothing was wrong all of yesterday and then drop this bombshell just as he was leaving. "I'm sorry Ree, tell her I'm sorry" and with that he walked out the door leaving Serena to console their distraught daughter once again and without a single mention of the night before.

Serena's POV

It had been one month and six days since my drunken mistake and I hadn't told a single soul about it. My Mother could tell something was on my mind so I avoided her as best as I could not that I saw much of her anyway. I wanted to see her more, I really did but work and other things got in the way. I felt bad but there wasn't a lot I could do, I had a daughter to provide for and I wasn't going to let her down. It was bad enough she already had one parent who did that. It took just under a week to calm her down once Edward left and in the time that had passed since then she had received only two phone calls from him. The first time he rang she refused to speak to him for around twenty minutes but finally gave in and accepted his apology. The second call lasted only a matter of minutes, he had to hang up on her earlier than he thought due to urgent business at the hospital. I had to stop myself from laughing when Eleanor told me, more like urgent business in the form a good looking young nurse.

Anyway none of that really seamed important anymore, now I had a bigger matter to worry about. I took the day of walk claiming to be sick, which in all honestly wasn't a massive lie only half of one really. I waited till Eleanor had gone to school before going into the bathroom and finally getting a certain result. I'd had my suspicions for a little while already now, I was sick a couple of times in the past few days mainly in the mornings and I felt absolutely exhausted. Most people would just assume they were sick with these symptoms but Serena Campbell didn't get sick. Then the final sign I'd skipped a period, not a completely uncommon thing I suppose in a woman of my age but linked with the other two it lead to me being almost certain. So the other day I went and bought a test and ever since then I had been building up the courage to take it and today seamed to be the perfect opportunity. I followed the instructions exactly as they said, I could have done it without reading them but I needed to make sure the answer was 100% correct. Once done all that was left to do was wait five minutes for the result that could change my life.

Five minutes would normally go quickly in my life but each second that went by felt more like an hour. Could I really cope with a baby? I was forty for god's sake and already had a twelve year old daughter who I could barely understand. Another child would push me and Eleanor further apart and that's the last thing I wanted. What I wanted was to be the mother Eleanor so desperately wanted and another baby was not going to aid me with that. I glanced at my watch two more minutes to go, I let out a sigh why did it have to take so bloody long. I also had work to think about although I would never say it aloud; I had to admit Eleanor was right when she called me a 'workaholic'. How was I going to juggle a baby, work and my daughter? The answer was I didn't no and there was nothing I could do except sit and pray for a negative result.

Finally it had been five minutes and I stood up to face the ghost of my past. I closed my eyes and took a breath before reaching for the test. Taking a look I felt my heart drop, the sign on the test was a blue cross. A blue cross that meant I was going to have another child, that I was pregnant. I sank to my knees on the cold bathroom tiles and sat there with my head resting in my hands. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and instead of just wiping it away; I left it and allowed the others to fall down with it. What was I going to do? How was I going to tell Eleanor and my mother? How was I going to tell Edward? All my fears from earlier returned and my head was full of fear of what my future held. The test had confirmed my worst fears and also what I already knew deep down. I was going to have another baby with my ex-husband at the age of forty and the very thought of it made me incredibly fearful.

I had no idea how long I had been sat on the bathroom floor but to be honest I no longer cared. I was going tot have a baby and I hadn't got a clue how to handle it, from what I could see there were three options. Abortion? No there was no way I could live with that; I couldn't kill my child even if it wasn't fully formed yet. Abortion was most defiantly not an option. Adoption? I don't think I could cope with giving birth to a baby just to hand it over to strangers. I remembered the attachment I had already felt for Eleanor just seconds after she came into the world and to think of just giving it away after that made me shudder. So adoption was crossed of the list in my head. That left the third and final option, keeping the baby and raising it. In my heart I knew this was the only option I would ever be comfortable with all though my head was full of fear I chose to ignore it.

I already felt a connection to this baby and I was going to be the best mother I could be. Where I may have failed Eleanor in the past I was going to learn from my mistakes and promised to myself and my unborn child not to make them again. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle everything but I would figure it out as I went along, perhaps hire a nanny for when I returned to work after maternity leave. I also made a promise to myself to try and patch things up with Eleanor do some of the things she liked to do and to be slightly more relaxed with her. I was going to make up for lost time and start again. But first things first I had to tell Edward…

**Ok so my first Holby and I promise it will be in later chapters. So please tell me what you think with a review, I welcome constructive criticism as I am always looking to improve my writing. Anyway thanks for reading I hope to update soon. **


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